Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
