he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just google imaged poop.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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