the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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