The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she told me i tasted like america
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
