well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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