I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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