Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
