He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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