I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
