i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
