Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
