I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
