So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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