How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
