Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
