but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
