then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
either way he was missing a nipple.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
