If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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