I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
