I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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