In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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