Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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