maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
