I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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