two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize