I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
