Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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