And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
