It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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