Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
