I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize