also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
