We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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