watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
