Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize