I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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