I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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