If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
