I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
