Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
