At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
