i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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