I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
