I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
