Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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