That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize