I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
