Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
