Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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