I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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