Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
