btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
