The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
