and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
