two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i think my cat just said my name.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
