I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
