I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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