oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
