So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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