i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
