Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
