how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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