You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i came on her dog
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
