so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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