i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
two words: eviction party
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
