I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My ass is underappreciated
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
