So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
